'Tis the Season

'Tis the season to be jolly. Or merry, or goodwilly, or something.
Forgive me Cyber-sisters & Binary-brothers. Been feeling a smidge of.. guilt, I think it is, that I haven't been in touch with you for ages. Truth is, English 'teaching' ensures that any such time to write my wrote to you, is thwarted. I do hope to pull my socks up a bit in the new year.
Talking of our most beautiful language. Being home again and finding myself in Harlow town shopping centre the other day- scouring for a last minute Christmas pressie- I was reminded of our how we speak here in Herts and in the neighbouring county of Essex.
So, for those of you who do not know, and to aid my fellow Poles- some of whom may very well find themselves travelling soon to our green and pleasant shores, and even to Harlow town shopping centre- I offer here vernacular vocabulary, to navigate your way through the complexties of our language. Language that they do not teach you in your FCE or CAE Cambridge English text books, and that you might just hear a whisper of should you past a Greggs bakery or even a Poundland super savers store:


ASSBAND - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc

AWSS - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day")

BRANNA - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on sunbed?")

DAN IN THE MAFF - Unhappy ("Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit dan in the maff")

FURROCK - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre

GARRIJ - 1. A building where a car is kept or repaired (Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs ta go in the garrij cos it aint working proper")

IBEEFA - Balaeric holiday island

OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs


...but wait, there's more:

REBAND - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover ("I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig")

TAN- The city of London, the big smoke

WEBBATS - Querying the location something or someone is. ("Webbats is me dole card? I've gotta sign on in arf hour")

WONNID - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police

ZAGGERATE - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is. ("I told ya a fazzand times already")

LAFARJIK - Lacking in energy ("I feel all lafarjik")


Hope you are having a lovely time engulfed in good will to all. A very Merry Christmas to you all and to all a good year.

Promise to write something more substantial, and all things Polish soon. Scouts honor.


Peace and love Mx