Ducks, drugs and a whole lotta Russians
Day 14 in the Queen Mary Campus
Though we’ve had two fire alarms go off in the middle of the night and all 400 of us having to pile out of our halls- 6am this morning and 4 am on Friday- It’s been a pleasant time. I’ve recieved two parting gifts from Russian students: a Russian hand painted nesting doll or ‘Matryoshka’, the kind that open up to reveal more dolls inside. And an equally beautiful intricately painted laquered pot “For putting sugar in” she tells me. So I’m a happy and very grateful teacher indeed :)
With regards to the Hoax calls. Someone had been smoking in their room. The other- a smashed fire alarm. Gits.
The fire brigade are being called out literally everyday. A shocking 11 in total.
We’ve become so used to shenadigans and knavery like this, that as I was coming out of my room bleary eyed and blind- I wear contacts- the alarm sounding that would wake even the most deepest coma patient out of a coma. I saw what looked like a girl hesitating in the corridor outside the door of her room.
Her: I don’t want to go
Me: Yes you have to.
Her: I don’t want to, can I stay in my room?
Me: No you can’t come on
Her: But I want to stay
Me: No, come on
Her: But I want to
Burn then yer little fecker!
Aside from false alarms, teenagers who want to burn in their rooms and blind teachers feeling their way out of buildings, it’s been a thoroughly entertaining past week. Never a dull moment in the world of ESL. Here then are two little anecdotes from your’s truly:
An upper intermediate group consisting mostly of Russians, a couple of Greeks and a French kid have filed into the classroom like something out of Night of the Living Dead, after being up all hours playing cards, and occupying themselves with general, accepted, routine monkey business. The Russians it turns out, much to the suprise and discomfort of the Greeks have an impressive array of knowledge on drugs, which I distinctly remember from last year. And some were even new on me, as a lesson entitled ‘E for Ecstasy’ proved...
On white board:
Marijuana
Ecstasy
Cocaine
L.S.D
Heroin
Opium
Magic Mushrooms
Nicotine
Caffeine (last choice of drug for many, apparently)
Me: Any more drugs?
Marco: Yabba
Me: (Incredulous) Yabba? What’s yabba?
Marco: It’s a drug
Me: My god, your teaching me.
Yabba, for your information, if you didn’t know already, is a Meth amphetamine and hails from Thailand and when ingested can be a three day event. I’ve since remembered vivid images of Thai men on television running riot through streets hallucinating wildly with their demons not far behind.
Yabba, I’ve also found, is an all-female mixed cultural reggae band who want to celebrate togetherness, good humor and spiritual awakening, through their own compositions. As well as selected cover versions which many people know and can sing along to. Google them for booking info!
Russian girls are passing Hubba Bubba bubble gum to one another. One is scratching a picture of a monster in her note book in blue biro.
Me: So, does anybody know what some of the effects of Ecstasy might be?
Ana: You have energy
Me: Yes. You have energy
Normally very silent russian girl: About three hours you have
Me: Three hours?
Her: Yes
Me: Ok, maybe (I write 3 hours? with a question mark on blackboard) Ok
Her: 45 mins cocaine
Me: (I feel my eyebrows begin to rise) Really?... Any more effects?
Another russian girl, small and softly spoken, has stopped drawing a picture of a monster in her notebook . She looks up over it.
Her: You have big eyes
Me: (trying to stifle a laugh now) Yes, apparently you have big eyes. (I write ‘big eyes’ on white board)
Anything else?
Sergey: You dance silly
Couldn’t write it if you tried.
A fellow English teacher- Lloyd, whom I met last year at UCL doing this same lark- a Scottish guy from the highlands, an ex Elvis impersonator of about forty with dyed black hair cut to a Morrissey fashion, a lazy eye and penchant for suites, recounted a story to me about a lesson he gave a few days ago around the the theme of 'Ready Steady Cook'.
Here is the conversation between Lloyd and a student that went something along the lines of this:
Russian girl: Can we use a bottle?
Lloyd: (puzzled) A bottle?
RG: Yes
Lloyd: Errrm. If you like
(understandably confused a little, as bottles don't usually feature in the cooking proccess on Ready Steady Cook. He pries a little)
Lloyd: What kind of bottle? A milk bottle?
RG: A wine bottle
Lloyd: (thinks about this) Okay, you can use a wine bottle (bit non plussed)
About 10mins later the girl is giving her presentation and talking the class through the makings of her creation.
RG: You put water in halfway and you put in spice in bottle, then you push the bottle in duck
Lloyd: (raised eyes brows) In the duck?
RG: Yes. Into it’s (points to her behind) hole
Lloyd: (more raised eyebrows) Right.....ahh (smiling, nodding in acknowledgment) you put the bottle up the ducks bum?
RG: Er, what?
Lloyd: Ah, never mind
RG: And then you put it in oven.
Lloyd: Cool. (pauses and contemplates this most excellent effort) Did you make that up yourself because if you did it’s genius.
RG: No no, I didn’t it’s true.
Lloyd: Does anybody body else cook like this in Russia?
Russian students look at one another and shake their head. 'No'
Lloyd: And the name of the dish?
RG: Is Duck orange
Duck Orange gets my vote.
Though we’ve had two fire alarms go off in the middle of the night and all 400 of us having to pile out of our halls- 6am this morning and 4 am on Friday- It’s been a pleasant time. I’ve recieved two parting gifts from Russian students: a Russian hand painted nesting doll or ‘Matryoshka’, the kind that open up to reveal more dolls inside. And an equally beautiful intricately painted laquered pot “For putting sugar in” she tells me. So I’m a happy and very grateful teacher indeed :)
With regards to the Hoax calls. Someone had been smoking in their room. The other- a smashed fire alarm. Gits.
The fire brigade are being called out literally everyday. A shocking 11 in total.
We’ve become so used to shenadigans and knavery like this, that as I was coming out of my room bleary eyed and blind- I wear contacts- the alarm sounding that would wake even the most deepest coma patient out of a coma. I saw what looked like a girl hesitating in the corridor outside the door of her room.
Her: I don’t want to go
Me: Yes you have to.
Her: I don’t want to, can I stay in my room?
Me: No you can’t come on
Her: But I want to stay
Me: No, come on
Her: But I want to
Burn then yer little fecker!
Aside from false alarms, teenagers who want to burn in their rooms and blind teachers feeling their way out of buildings, it’s been a thoroughly entertaining past week. Never a dull moment in the world of ESL. Here then are two little anecdotes from your’s truly:
An upper intermediate group consisting mostly of Russians, a couple of Greeks and a French kid have filed into the classroom like something out of Night of the Living Dead, after being up all hours playing cards, and occupying themselves with general, accepted, routine monkey business. The Russians it turns out, much to the suprise and discomfort of the Greeks have an impressive array of knowledge on drugs, which I distinctly remember from last year. And some were even new on me, as a lesson entitled ‘E for Ecstasy’ proved...
On white board:
Marijuana
Ecstasy
Cocaine
L.S.D
Heroin
Opium
Magic Mushrooms
Nicotine
Caffeine (last choice of drug for many, apparently)
Me: Any more drugs?
Marco: Yabba
Me: (Incredulous) Yabba? What’s yabba?
Marco: It’s a drug
Me: My god, your teaching me.
Yabba, for your information, if you didn’t know already, is a Meth amphetamine and hails from Thailand and when ingested can be a three day event. I’ve since remembered vivid images of Thai men on television running riot through streets hallucinating wildly with their demons not far behind.
Yabba, I’ve also found, is an all-female mixed cultural reggae band who want to celebrate togetherness, good humor and spiritual awakening, through their own compositions. As well as selected cover versions which many people know and can sing along to. Google them for booking info!
Russian girls are passing Hubba Bubba bubble gum to one another. One is scratching a picture of a monster in her note book in blue biro.
Me: So, does anybody know what some of the effects of Ecstasy might be?
Ana: You have energy
Me: Yes. You have energy
Normally very silent russian girl: About three hours you have
Me: Three hours?
Her: Yes
Me: Ok, maybe (I write 3 hours? with a question mark on blackboard) Ok
Her: 45 mins cocaine
Me: (I feel my eyebrows begin to rise) Really?... Any more effects?
Another russian girl, small and softly spoken, has stopped drawing a picture of a monster in her notebook . She looks up over it.
Her: You have big eyes
Me: (trying to stifle a laugh now) Yes, apparently you have big eyes. (I write ‘big eyes’ on white board)
Anything else?
Sergey: You dance silly
Couldn’t write it if you tried.
A fellow English teacher- Lloyd, whom I met last year at UCL doing this same lark- a Scottish guy from the highlands, an ex Elvis impersonator of about forty with dyed black hair cut to a Morrissey fashion, a lazy eye and penchant for suites, recounted a story to me about a lesson he gave a few days ago around the the theme of 'Ready Steady Cook'.
Here is the conversation between Lloyd and a student that went something along the lines of this:
Russian girl: Can we use a bottle?
Lloyd: (puzzled) A bottle?
RG: Yes
Lloyd: Errrm. If you like
(understandably confused a little, as bottles don't usually feature in the cooking proccess on Ready Steady Cook. He pries a little)
Lloyd: What kind of bottle? A milk bottle?
RG: A wine bottle
Lloyd: (thinks about this) Okay, you can use a wine bottle (bit non plussed)
About 10mins later the girl is giving her presentation and talking the class through the makings of her creation.
RG: You put water in halfway and you put in spice in bottle, then you push the bottle in duck
Lloyd: (raised eyes brows) In the duck?
RG: Yes. Into it’s (points to her behind) hole
Lloyd: (more raised eyebrows) Right.....ahh (smiling, nodding in acknowledgment) you put the bottle up the ducks bum?
RG: Er, what?
Lloyd: Ah, never mind
RG: And then you put it in oven.
Lloyd: Cool. (pauses and contemplates this most excellent effort) Did you make that up yourself because if you did it’s genius.
RG: No no, I didn’t it’s true.
Lloyd: Does anybody body else cook like this in Russia?
Russian students look at one another and shake their head. 'No'
Lloyd: And the name of the dish?
RG: Is Duck orange
Duck Orange gets my vote.
posted by mark t at 12:59 am
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